Hollywood Moment

Here's E and S at Hollywood's in Roanoke. It's a great little restaurant in Roanoke. Ellie saw a picture of a farmer milking a cow. She looked at it and I said "What do you think of that picture?" She replied "it's a veterinarian and he's getting the cow to pee in a cup, right?" Ha ha ha ha. She's a bit of a city slicker, eh?
It was a fun family gathering. It's way cool having S back in town. I think we are adjusting pretty well to one another. Ellie had a good night last night and a good morning today so maybe the worst is behind me.
I have got to get a good digital camera. These camera phone images are really awful. sorry.

Golf at Lunch

Nothing interesting today, I don't know why you are checking

Dating, as I had known it in the summertime has officially disappeared. It has been replaced with gentle friendships and not-so-gentle temper-tantrums. The friendships are mine and the tantrums are E's. I am hoping that things with her will improve as she adjusts to her new school schedule. This starts a new season for me. Now that S is living with me and E is back at home, I am missing my alone time more than ever. I started teaching early morning seminary again yesterday. I have a really great class with 3 students. I am certain that they will be teaching me much more than I can teach them. Getting up an hour earlier is no big deal, but getting E up at all is always a big deal. She is such a night owl but she gets so grumpy in the mornings.
Yesterday I got a call from Redneck just before seminary started. That's before 7am for those that need specifics. He wanted to talk so I told him I would call him after work. I was glad to speak with him because I had missed him this last week, but I didn't feel like it would be fair to pull the "let's just be friends" line because I know he wants more than that. Anyway, that is exactly what he asked for and I am more than happy to oblige. I do want to follow my mother's advice to cultivate friendships. Today I will eat lunch with Golf. He'll be going to school right nextdoor to the courthouse where I work. It'll be nice to have a little company to go with my PB&J. And poor Korea has been reading my blog. There is no telling what he thinks about all my dating diaries, but he hasn't totally given up on me and so there is still hope for him. I introduced my sister, S to my neighbors last night. It wasn't long before she got her first post-separation dinner invitation. The guy was at least twice her age. It'll be fun to have a commiserating partner. The neighbor who asks me out all the time was supposed to replace me with her, but it didn't take apparently because now he is pressuring her to bring me around more often. It's no wonder I avoided neighborliness all summer. I am going to put in this picture of an officer who came in the office today and made me laugh. Thank goodness for a good sense of humor. I know I need it.

Sister in Virginia

Look it's S! We picked her up from the airport quite successfully except for one broken flip-flop. Can you see her hairdo? It's short everywhere except in the very front. She is now being sent to her bed for some much needed rest and I am going to bed too!

Saturday morning with a mother and daughter

It's the start of a brand new day! Those of you who were very upset about yesterday's posting had every right and I apologize for the picture of the ex and the comments that accompanied it. The one who called me on it (you know who you are) motivated me to leave yet another message for him. This basically said "please don't call me anymore, I really meant what I said about not being able to handle being "just friends" and it's not fair for you to ignore my request."
Maybe this time it will take. I am getting ready to go pick up my sister S from the airport in Raleigh. It's a 3 hour drive so Ellie is packing snacks in this picture. She picked out a plain tortilla and some chocolate chips!! She is a sweetie normally. Yesterday just as Golf arrived to watch a movie with us, she threw the most colossally embarrassing fit on the sidewalk in front of all the neighbors and Golf. I was mortified, but that's parenthood.

Mind Battles

Here's the ex in all his glory. I still think he is beautiful. This picture is from his band website. There are several more on there if you go to code11entertains.com
It's just sad how many times I have looked at that site to see pictures of him since we got separated. I found that the more I fought my feelings, the worse I felt. So now I can see pictures and talk to him without getting as upset about it. There is no way around things like this. You just barrel on through and it hurts but you grow.

Happy Friday!! I heard "Celebration Song" on my way to work today. I am pumped now to take some phone calls!! Ha ha ha. jobs are jobs. I had such a toasty night last night. I got my baby girl into bed and put my phone on silent mode and caught up on some much needed zzzzz's. I love getting a good night's sleep. Well my little sister is now going through a separation with her husband. I always said I would rather go through it myself than have to see someone I love go through it. I am sure she will handle everything marvelously, but that doesn't mean it will be easy for her or anything. They say that divorce is like experiencing the death of a loved one. I agree. You go through all the stages of grief: anger, denial, acceptance, grief, and whatever else there is over and over in any kind of order. Those that know and love S need to call her often and keep her in your prayers. I got a call from the ex last night. Just checking in and reporting. I am pleased to say that it didn't upset me and I was the one to say that I needed to go. This is progress, ya'll!!

I will probably have Golf over tonight. He wants to watch "Poseidan" with Ellie and I. No problem for me because I totally think Josh Lucas is the hottest leading man! mmmmm...yummy. And Golf has been a great friend ever since I first talked to him. My mother's most recent advice to me is "cultivate friends, you don't need a husband!". And I have been thinking it ever since...I am starting to feel it too!

The other side of the story

Well there are those who did feel the need to call me to check on my sanity after the kiss with the ex story. I love those people and it makes me feel good to know that I am not alone with my worries and woes. Now keep in mind that I write what I am feeling exactly at the time I write and I am as fickle as any girl I know. The fact that I experience a feeling one day doesn't indicate that I will continue feeling it. I suppose that is the nature of feelings. They are constantly changing. It is my belief that we can create some feelings based on directed thinking. I mean if I really wanted to feel different about something and I got into certain habits of thinking, then I could truly feel different in time. So I am gonna do a feelings experiment. I want to start with something small. I am not ready to work on the ex yet so I am going to do it with a bit of a neutral acquaintance. I haven't thought of a good person yet. I will have to scope out my options...figure out someone who I just don't like. Police officers are hot. sorry. I had to throw that in. I work with them all the time and I just like them.
I broke up with my redneck. It was hard but I got it over with once I knew it had to be done. I have no current prospects and I kind of like that. My mom said I need to repeat "I don't need a husband" to myself frequently. She must be privy to my theory of thinking and feeling. If I think "I don't need a husband" regularly then I will really feel that way and then I will not be tempted to settle just to be with someone. yay!! when you believe you control your own feelings, it's very empowering. I suggest it as a way of life. you go girl.

no apologies necessary

Okay, the truth is that I have a hard time writing on my blog when I know certain people will be reading it. I am even considering keeping a private diary instead. This lets me know 2 things about myself. First, I am obviously not proud of all my dealings with men and second, I don't think things have been very funny lately. The only course of action I can take is to be brutally honest and bare my soul for all to see. This will not accomplish anything except for potentially burning some bridges with men who I am not committed to anyway.
So I kissed two guys in two days. The first guy I am gonna have to name Redneck because he is an admitted redneck and while I have known him my whole life and really respect him, I just am not feeling any kind of attraction to him. And the second guy is my ex-husband. Yes, that's what I said. Now don't go all crazy and start calling me. Both kisses were just pecks and they were both pleasant enough but didn't have any kind of deep meaning. The thing that I learned from kissing the ex is that I am not really ready to move on to anyone else seriously at this point. I just haven't the heart. I still have really strong feelings for him. Not that everyone who really knows me didn't already know that, but I just have to say it. I made a seriously hard choice a few weeks ago and told him not to call or visit me anymore because I was trying so hard to get over him. The result of that e-mail was that the ex started calling me more and now I am less over him than I was before. It would stand to reason then that the solution is to ask him to visit me and call me more and then I won't hear from him at all. The problem with that is that it would make me feel like a bigger loser than I already do. I have realized that I need to end the tiny start of a relationship I have with the redneck because I can't feel for him what he deserves a girl to feel for him. I mourn this loss because I just know he would make a fabulous husband to some lucky girl, but it won't be me and that's sad when you don't have any decent prospects left. It's the only option because it is the right and honest thing to do and I can't lead on someone whose family I have known my whole life knowing full well that I am not attracted to the guy. sad sad.
The worst thing is that I really want to kiss the ex again. bad me. sad me.

3 weeks of misery wasted

I really have NOT been miserable for 3 weeks and that is why I haven't blogged. Of course I am only kidding. I am sorry for the lapse. It's Golf's fault. He is a phone talker. Totally friends only but still wants to keep me up past my bedtime every night. He likes to pick my brain about ridiculous scenarios. "If you were on a date with a guy you really liked and he farted but didn't say anything about it, what would you do?" That kind of a question. He really is funny but apparently all my feminine charms do nothing for him. He likes younger, shorter women with long dark hair. blah blah blah.
I put up with it because he's all I've got these days to occupy my time. Never Untucked finally got the hint...although I did have to put up with him on one more date last week. The YOung ONe has left for college and I miss his attention but am kinda relieved that he has gone. Mr. Korea is still my favorite. He's seemed kinda glum these last few weeks. I think he misses me, but more than likely he is just tired of being in the army. But I think it's me. hee hee. I am always so full of myself.