I want a baby...not that it is anything new, but it does seem that I am not alone in my struggle. Why are so many of my friends having such a hard time?
My personal story is that I have always worried about not being able to have children...since I was 16 or so (because of some wording in a blessing that I got). When I first married, we decided not to wait and I am SOOOOOO glad because I got pregnant after only a few months trying. I was 21 and REALLY healthy at that time. After Ellie was born we waited about 6 months to try again so that there would be at least 15 months between them. We tried for 18 months and then we got divorced...not related and looking back I am SO glad I didn't get pregnant at that time since we did get divorced. Well, now Paul and I have been trying for 2 years and I am worried that my window is closing! I wanted a big family and it's hard to accept that I am simply not as young as I used to be!! I was talking to a friend last night who said that a raw vegetable diet worked for someone in our ward...that wigs me out for two reasons.
1. I could never be that disciplined.
2. Then it might be my own fault that I haven't gotten pregnant.
THAT THINKING IS SO MESSED UP!! That is the big problem for me and probably a lot of women...we feel guilt over things that we can't possibly control. Especially LDS women.
Another issue for me is-- how far I should take the fertility treatments? My husband's ex tried everything including invitro but never got pregnant. My sister Rachel went through 8 or so years of treatments and is now pregnant with twin boys. Of course now it was worth the struggle.
A wonderful couple in my ward is going to adopt. Something Paul and I definitely would consider. it's all good and it's all right, but I don't know what I want to do yet. (and it's all expensive, too!)
We have been surviving off my paycheck for a while and I think I have been putting off any kind of action until we can survive only on his...I doubt I could keep working through a pregnancy given my health history.
Anyway, just wanted to pontificate.
2 comments:
Pregnancy sucks!!! I am sad to hear that you are having a hard time conceiving. We got pregnant quicker than anticipated and wanted "our time" first but someday we will get that. In the end, I hope everything is PERFECT!!!
You will be in our thoughts and prayers.
On a side note- I am loving all the blog updates! Keep 'em coming! : )
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