break-ups and trust issues

We’ve all been known to use the ‘let someone down easy’ break-up lines. Sometimes we even convince ourselves that they are true. “It’s not you, it’s me” or “I don’t know what I want right now and that’s not fair to you” or heaven help us all, “you’ll find someone that’s better for you”. I am a little bitter today. I am old and bitter. I feel like, so last-season!! Seriously. I would like a little more honesty. How about, “You are boring to me now” or “Other women are just more interesting to me”, or “I need a little more drama in my life”!! That I would believe because that is the truth. I don’t like dating. It is just uncomfortable. Marriage is so much better. And I have had the crappiest of marriages so I should know. First dates are awkward. It takes a really long time to get comfortable with someone and then you realize that the person isn’t at all what you had hoped for. Almost every date you go on will end with a sad or unpleasant break-up and the only thing you’ll have to show for it will be wasted time and more disappointment. And it’s always embarrassing to admit that you were wrong about someone. Again. I understand people who give up on dating altogether. I know I won’t be that person. I like men and flirting way too much. But the truth is, I lack faith. I doubt that I will find someone I like better. I doubt I will be as comfortable with someone else. I doubt I will find someone who challenges me intellectually and I really doubt I will find someone my daughter likes half so much. It’s easier for me to have faith in God when it doesn’t involve trusting other people as well.